Eulogy for Philip A. Donahue

By Richard K. Donahue Jr.

“How do you describe someone like Philip?” asked my brother Stephen when we were contemplating this very day and time earlier this spring.

One way to describe him would be he was man who retired after 27 years at Market Basket with an enviable retirement account, and he still believed in Santa Claus! Or, he was born with a disability, but he had the ability to work a room like a seasoned politician! Or another way, he was short in stature, but he stood head and shoulders above many with his honesty, integrity and manners. Or one other, he had difficulty speaking but he could command the attention of a full room with a spontaneous speech! And I have said, under prior similar circumstances, that he was the rock of this family. But all those just scratch the surface and will never fully capture his personality, his habits and routines, his humor, his spirit, his innocence or his bottomless fountain of love. Let me try to describe my brother through some stories.

As you all know, he was a Christmas baby, but what you probably don’t know is that my parents, and especially my mother, made a courageous decision immediately after his birth. With nine children already and consistent with the prevailing medical advice at the time, the doctors recommended to her that he be institutionalized. My mother promptly dismissed that notion and stated, “All he needs is some good food and a lot of love and he’ll be fine.” Truer words were never spoken.

For our family he was the spirit of Christmas. When asked one year what he wanted for Christmas/birthday he said, “just my family”. And when pressed by his friends why at such a late age he still believed in Santa he said, “Santa represents the spirit of Christmas”.

The build up to any one Christmas started at the conclusion of the prior one. The reason wasn’t for the gifts- although he never met a briefcase or desk pen set or executive notebook that he didn’t like, especially if it was in black! It was because he would be one year older so as soon as he turned 12, he’d say “next year I’ll be 13” or as soon as he turned 23, he’d tell us all that next year he’d be 24 and so on. My brother wasn’t known for his acuity with numbers, in fact, it was just the opposite and a source for much laughter. I’ll share one such story in a moment. But his age was the one solid number that he knew and which you could rely upon.

And how prophetic was that statement by my mother. After several different jobs, he found his career in the food business where he was loved by so many. For example, there would be open registers in the checkout area at the store but a line at the register where Philip was bagging. The managers would say to the waiting customers that other registers were open, and they would politely decline and respond, “I’m waiting to talk to Phil.” Good food and a lot of love indeed!

And the love was mutual. On more than one occasion, a customer was short of funds and started putting items aside when my brother said “wait, I can help” and he pulled out his wallet and made up the difference. His co-workers, managers and the CEO, were all peers in his eyes and he loved them all.

My brother Philip was side hustling long before it was in vogue. Years ago, when he was working as a dishwasher at Hugh’s, my brother Michael’s restaurant, he and Jack Sullivan, the architect and my brother

Daniel’s employer, decided to start a partnership of sorts with undefined goals and no set business plan. But Philip was serious about this venture and asked me, his first of many lawyers, to represent him and memorialize the agreement. So, I drafted a document with a lot of legalese and aspirational goals of unity and cooperation which was signed and witnessed by both parties. I then presented the fully executed document to my brother along with my 2-pound contracts textbook from law school and that was that. After some time passed, he started ribbing me about my efforts and calling me a bum lawyer. I was at a loss as to what had gone wrong. Then he told me it was because I never sent him a bill! This was something that he clearly picked up at the dinner table where the business of law was a not an infrequent topic of conversation. So, I drafted a basic invoice that went something like “for services rendered in the consultation and creation of PhilJack Enterprises please pay $1,000 or buy me lunch at Hugh’s”.

For that I got more teasing and questions from him, so I explained to him that he had 2 options to pay and once he understood he said “Ok, I’ll pay the $1000!”

Of course, there was never any payment, and he went on to more side hustles but not before he made a run for governor complete with a promotional video! Later, while he was gainfully employed at Market Basket, he set up his own consulting business, Donahue Enterprises, complete with a well-appointed in-home office and business cards. This business consisted largely of passing out his business cards and counseling and mentoring his many nieces and nephews. They all have stories of being invited, or dragged, upstairs to his office for some unsolicited advice on life much of which revolved around studying hard in school, be kind to people and always love and respect your parents.

The real work of his business was keeping the family logs of names, dates of birth and the Christmas gift swap lists. He knew the value of personal data long before it became monetized. He spent countless hours poring over the records and making amendments and corrections. His penmanship was small and precise. It was enjoyable to sit in his office and see the history of the family as captured in the logs. Years from now maybe a future digital only family member will see the records and exclaim “Wow, Uncle Phil could write his name in cursive!”

After establishing his own business, he went looking for more growth opportunities and entered another joint venture with my brother Stephen and his commercial real estate business in Burlington, VT. For this transaction he brought in one of the top criminal defense attorneys in the Commonwealth Bob Sheketoff to represent him. I’m not quite sure what message he was sending to Stephen by doing so but the transaction took place with a lot of pomp and circumstance and all parties were happy- for a while. The talk between my brothers quickly turned to comparing the number of employees in Burlington versus Lowell, Phil asking for more help in the Lowell office, and hours and hours of calls strategizing about developing more business. This was a long and loving relationship- with a lot of talk! Philip eventually hired, or conscripted, many family members for various roles in his business.

And eventually he got an employee or, more accurately, a volunteer, unpaid intern in my niece Isabel. Throughout all his business dealings he went through a who’s who of attorneys. It was an honor to be hired by him and an honor to be fired by him!

As I mentioned, he was a sociable person who enjoyed mixing and mingling with family, old friends and meeting new people. To him everyone was an equal. Being the tenth of eleven children meant that he was always part of a large group so to him what’s a few dozen or a few hundred more! He was known for his cheerful banter followed by blunt honesty. When Philip met President Bill Clinton, after they exchanged pleasantries, he said “When are you going to clean up Boston Harbor?” In our family, where teasing is a favorite pastime, he could give as good as he got!

One year at the Profiles in Courage Award dinner at the JFK library my son Dylan was part of the entourage. At the time, Dylan was part of an improv group in NYC and very much into comedy. And at this year’s event Conan O’Brien, the well-known comedian and a foundation board member, was in attendance. Dylan was hoping to meet Conan and told his uncle about it to which Uncle Phil said, in very matter of fact manner, “Oh you want to meet Conan? I’ll introduce you to him.” With Dylan’s excitement building Philip then said, “ok, which one is he?”

My brother had a good sense of time and timing. For telling time he relied on two sources- his Casio digital watch and his stomach! Either one was reliable enough for you to catch a plane. Beyond the day to day, for longer lengths of time, he relied on two dates- his birthday and his work anniversary date. It was brilliant in its simplicity. Anything in between those dates or beyond the coming year were immaterial to him and he’d simply respond “whatever”.

For his sense of timing, he relied on his intuition. When you spoke to him, he knew whether you needed a hug, a joke or a story. He had a knack for finding just the right birthday card, which on occasion could be a holiday greeting card, but when he presented it to you it just felt right. On countless occasions, whether a holiday meal, a cookout or a casual gathering he would make a comment that was spot on and succinct. On one occasion at the dinner table my father was making a case in a rather stern manner when Philip said, “Dad relax!” which immediately broke the tension and brightened the mood.

My family members have more stories that they would love to share with you after this service and I guarantee you that each one has a story of when Philip called them his favorite. But I would be remiss if I didn’t mention how helpful Stephen was in the past year with caring for both Philip and my mother. My sister Tara, though, was a tireless and empathetic caretaker for both. She was at the house daily and oftentimes around the clock tending to their every need. And throughout Philip’s life my brother Daniel served as his confidante, treasurer, driver, travel companion, roommate, dining partner and best brother who he loved so much!

Daniel’s good friend Ray Keefe said it best on Facebook when he said “We’ve all watched with admiration and reverence as he put his life aside to care for his brother and best friend, Philip, for last forty plus years after he returned home from college. Total love, compassion, selflessness and devotion. You’re an inspiration to many. Me for sure. You put your family and brother before all else. Salute to you Daniel for teaching us the way”. Thank you, Ray. I couldn’t have said it any better.

And, of course, none of us would have had the pleasure of knowing my brother Philip if my mother had not made the courageous decision to embrace him and love him like the rest of us. By including him and raising him as an equal, and of course, with good food and a lot of love, she guided him to realize his full potential. And the love we gave him he returned tenfold!