The Perfect Tree
A classic that we’ve posted previously . . .
The Perfect Tree
by Henri Marchand
We begin the holiday season again engaged in a debate of vital importance. It’s an annual and endless argument that we look forward to every December—what qualifies as the perfect Christmas tree? Over the years a variety of false and flawed imposters, each promising no-mess perfection, have been introduced—early plastic trees in distinctly odd greens; the aluminum abnormality illuminated by a 4-color wheel; and, a few years back, the upside down tree. Charlie Brown said it best, “Good grief!” Despite vague threats, claims of greater convenience and calls to “try something different,” over the years we’ve resisted all attempts to go “artificial.”
My wife and I discovered the joy of venturing out to the country to cut our own perfect tree when our children were young. Over the years, as our children have grown up and left home or decided that sleep or term papers were more desirable than putting up with Dad’s all-day search for the holy grail of a Christmas tree, a new tradition was born—I convinced my brother and cousin, both avid hikers, to join me on my annual schlep in search of the elusively perfect tree. And so, the second Saturday of December, following a ceremonial breakfast at the Owl Diner and with a map and a tape measure in hand, we set off to find a tree that measures up to its predecessors.
My cousin, ever the optimist, sees perfection in every tree. Rick declares the first tree he comes upon a beauty, worthy to cut and haul home as the focal point of this year’s holiday celebration. On the other hand, unless we spend several hours and examine every last tree in the fields, I refuse to acknowledge that we’ve yet found this year’s tannenbaum.
Standing happily by a sapling of a specimen he’ll confidently cry out, “How’s this one?” Seeing me grimace and give it a skeptical look, he’ll then ask, slightly indignant and mildly defensive, “What’s wrong with it?”
“Too short,” I’ll say, or “too tall, crooked trunk, bad side, hole in the middle, no scent, weak branches”—until he gives up and moves on to the next tree, and the next. This goes on until my brother Rene, who, with his pickup truck is the driver of this adventure and regards our debate with mock exasperation, makes the sacrilegious suggestion, perfectly timed, that we go to a pre-cut vendor and get the whole thing over with. This starts up another round of spirited disputations and comparisons between fresh-cut and pre-cut trees, needle retention, size, color, selection, safety, and on and on. Thus it goes, back and forth, up and down, as we continue to zigzag through the neatly ordered fields of Douglas and Fraser firs, balsams, con-color firs, a few blue spruces. We do agree on one thing—scotch pines, natural or not, do not make our list of acceptable varieties and we will bypass them with proper disdain.
There have been some years when we’ve visited nearly half a dozen tree farms, logged at least a hundred miles, and examined several hundred trees in our search for perfection. We’ve slogged through mud, skittered on ice, shivered in unseasonable cold and sweated in unseasonable warmth. All in search of yuletide perfection.
A few years ago we high-stepped from tree to tree in nearly a foot of snow. A Friday snowstorm made for a particularly seasonal scene. Knowing from experience that the snow laden evergreens that looked so Currier and Ivish in the open field were deceiving and might be overwhelming when taken indoors, we shook and brushed off countless boughs in order to properly assess the candidates. Then we had to dig out around the base and account for snow skewered height perspectives. By eleven o’clock we noticed that the snow had become particularly well textured for snowballs and, between neat rows of Fraser firs, a small skirmish ensued.
By noon we were getting hungry and time was running out. With visions of lunch dancing in our heads, the trees began to look better and better. It wasn’t much longer before we came upon two that were perfectly and agreeably acceptable. They were cut and paid for and carefully placed in my brother’s pickup and taken home, one to my mother’s house and one to mine. At our annual family gatherings, the trees were strung with white lights and festooned with ornaments old and new. And, over toasts and good cheer (and a few more squabbles over credit for selection) all agreed that they were perfect and the best Christmas trees yet.
2 Responses to The Perfect Tree
Ah, the ceremonial breakfast at the Owl Diner. How many a noble quest or doomed enterprise has that initiated? How many an overcaffeinated & cholesteroled true believer has set forth from such a humble prandial beginning.
Nice piece, Henri. Just the right parts sentiment, nostalgia, and seasonal good spirits for the perfect holiday cocktail. This belongs in a league with Paul Marion’s recent piece in Merrimack Valley Magazine about his long-ago adventures in jolly old Lowell.
God bless us, everyone!
Henri Marchand’s vivid, witty prose, as crisp as the winter scenes he describes, turns the narrative of a yearly routine into a fresh and fun adventure.
If this piece doesn’t put you into the Christmas spirit, then nothing will! “Joyeux Noël!