Paul Hudon offers an interesting take on this year’s election.

On the Other Hand

By Paul Hudon

‘Grab them by the n*ts. When you’re the alpha male, they’ll let you do anything.’ That was the political advice given recently by Donald Trump. Mr Trump is the presidential candidate and notional leader of the GOP. Trump explained he’s made a study of the rules and regs that govern behavior among hominids. ‘All my life, I’ve been a negotiator,’ Trump said, ‘and I never bottomed for any man.’

Hominids, otherwise hominidae, are a taxonomic family of primates that includes seven species now living on the planet. These include the common chimpanzee, the bonobo, eastern and western gorillas, and us, homo sapiens.

It gets brutal among hominids according to Trump. ‘It’s not at all rare for  the alpha chimp to take a challenger’s st*nes, one handed. One swipe and they’re gone.’ St*nes is an other word for n*ts. Among chimpanzees only the alpha male and his entourage have access to females.

Asked what relevance chimpanzee behavior has for his campaign for the presidency, Mr Trump said, ‘It’s about power, ok.’ He turned the question around. ‘You notice something I haven’t? I’m seventy years old and I’ve been going up against other guys all my life. You know something gets more attention, man to man, than a power grab? A move that says, I got it and you don’t.’ Spreading his hands, Trump added, ‘And size matters, ok.’

Observers point out that Trump may have come by instinct and experience to the same conclusions science has by exacting methodologies. Psychologists and endocrinologists in recent years have  collaborated in a study of male voters, chiefly in the United States. Their findings, still not conclusive, have identified hyper adrenal subsets (HASS), gamesters, military and militia types, extreme combat enthusiasts among them. Under certain conditions, particularly in situations where tribal survival is in doubt, a HASS group of hyper competitive males has been known to reformat spontaneously into a single purpose predatory organism. Among hominids the common chimpanzee is again a prime example.

Speaking last June at the You Are Your Hormones conference in Chicago, Professor Alan Tibbett said ‘a vast field’ of anecdotal evidence backs-up Trump’s campaign tactic, and given a few more years, a statistical baseline will no doubt materialize. Reached by telephone, Professor Tibbett said ‘the candidate’ is surely right to strategize on a straight-out grab because it always carries built-in immunity. ‘That’s how he beat the bejesus out of those sixteen would-be Republican presidents in the primary debates.’ Reminded that Trump never lay a hand on any of those sixteen contenders, Dr Tibbett said Trump didn’t have to. ‘Homo sapiens, male and female, always confuse words with reality.’ He said, ‘Trump didn’t have to lunge and squeeze. He just let his mouth do the work. He talked like they were defenseless and they surrendered,‘ Tibbett said. ‘Crazy, but when you talk like the alpha male they fall for it.’ He added, ‘It’s about performance, and Trump is nothing but performance. You take it for reality, that’s on you’

One demographic not usually counted among HASS groupings has reacted with enthusiasm to Trump’s candidacy. Lucian Wintrich, who counts himself a conservative activist, is a gay man who just months ago got himself noticed with ‘Twinks4Trump,’ a photo exhibit of very slender, very young men wearing Trump’s trademark ‘Make America Great Again’ hat, and not much else. More recently, Wintrich launched an exhibit cum website (#DaddyWillSaveUs) he claimed was the ‘first conservative art show’ in America. Queried about the Wintrich initiatives, Donald Trump said, ‘Some guys, you grab their n*ts, they think that’s your opening move. So that’s a problem, ok.’

In a unusual reversal of roles, a Trump campaign spokesman was less diplomatic than ‘the boss.’ Lindel Jones is co-founder of The Truth Will Make You Dangerous, a self-described ‘Christian advocacy group.’ He joined the Trump campaign just last week in one of those frequent fire-and-hire cycles that mark this year’s Republican presidential run. ‘No freaking way,’ Jones said, when asked about a rumored Trump-Wintrich meeting. ‘Manhattan is a small island as islands go, but between Soho galleries, where Wintrich earned himself a toehold, and midtown where Trump made himself a name, there are several degrees of separation.’ That, Jones said, ‘ is a series of twains that will never meet.’ He added, ‘It’s part of the alpha’s prerogative, deciding who counts and who doesn’t. Who you can safely ignore.’