Osama bin Laden dead

While waiting for President Obama to address the nation, all major news outlets are now reporting that the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks, Osama bin Laden, is now dead almost ten full years after the attack. Great news!

UPDATE at 11:40 pm, President Obama begins speaking from White House. Thanks “tireless and heroic effort of military”. Says he told CIA to make killing bin Laden nation’s top priority. First learned possibility they found him last August. Last week that was confirmed. Today, a small US team conducted a raid into Pakistan where in a firefight they killed bin Laden and retrieved his body.

Says bin Laden’s demise should be cheered by all across world who value peace and human dignity. Says Pakistan intelligence helped locate OBL.

Says we will be relentless in defense of our citizens and “on nights like tonight we can tell families who lost loved ones that justice has been done.” thanks US military and intel. Asks to think back to sense of unity that prevailed after 9/11.

4 Responses to Osama bin Laden dead

  1. Jack Mitchell says:

    Mr. President, Donald Trump demands to see the long form of Osama bin Laden’s death certificate.

  2. Michael Luciano says:

    In a span of 24 hours, Barack Obama made fun of Donald Trump to his face at the White House Correspondence Dinner, and also interrupted “The Apprentice” to announce the death of bin Laden resulting from a mission he personally authorized.

    That is some serious jedi shit.